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shortgiraffe
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Name: Iris
Gender: Female
Interests: Outdoor Sports e.g. Snowboarding, Kayaking, Climbing (although I climb in a gym - so that's a pseudo outdoor sport), Soccer, Rugby, Ultimate
Expertise: HA! What's that they say? Jack of all trades, master of none...
Occupation: Other
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/29/2003
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| look! look at me Andy! I'm doing something productive
that's not knitting or climbing (as both have managed to fuck up my
wrist - what are the chances - the two activities couldn't be more
different nor attract a more different cohort of
followers). Ha - I thought it would be funny to direct this
at you Andy, as you are the only person who would ever feign to read
this. I'm hoping to use this instead of mass emailings in S.
America though. I can't figure out how to direct people to it
though... Any hints? I'm a little scared right now of how my life
aspirations appear to be changing with my monthly hormonal cycle.
Like depending upon what time I'm at, one day I just want to be some
normal aka boring office monkey but work in a great NGO, and then the
next it's like 'travel the world!!! do whatever odd jobs it
takes', and then the next it's like 'go travel, but get a respectable
job in the UN or something like that'... Do you have any idea how
messed up that is??? I have decided my 10 YEAR PLAN though.
Over the next 10 years, these are my goals:
* Save $50,000 so I can pay a down payment on a house (BUT today I
heard about these really neat Geodesic Dome Pre-fab Environmentally
Friendly Houses you assemble yourself for only $20,000!!! That
would be wicked to live in! But I guess the $50,000 would be for
a REAL house).
* Get a Masters degree in SOMETHING. I don't know what. I'm
not sure if I care so much what at this point. Today I'm thinking
Masters in Public Administration. But tomorrow, who knows!
It could be Education... International Development... I guess only the
moon knows...
* Move to Vancouver and live there for a while (current plan for
September). I'd also love to move to Montreal for a while, but
that might be a bit much.
* Travel Asia!! YEAAAH!!!!
* Learn 1 more language, and to keep on working on the French,
Spanish, and Cantonese. The fourth language will probably be
Mandarin, but I did entertain the thought of learning Russian for about
5 minutes.
That's it for now. THIS is what's keeping me going until the end
of my contract - knowing that there's a future beyond this! It's
weird, I'm super keen for S. America, but right now, all I can think
about is moving to Vancouver, finding a neat job, making new friends,
and living how I want to live!!! (That means I bake as much bread
as I want to MOM!) I think I need to be more... "cautiously
optimistic", but right now, who needs caution! Sudo America...
HERE I COME!!!  <- look, it's the Chinese Smiley Face - yellow with squinty eyes!
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| HA HA HA HA HA... I'm laughing at myself now. The joke is
definitely on me. Oh, the irony of the whole situation is
thoroughly amusing. Oh, how naive I was in thinking that I could
actually escape "the system". Work in an NGO - support
non-profits. Little did I know that the internal politics would
be just as bad, if not worse than the <<evil corporate
world>> (cue scary music). Is it really too much to
ask these days to work in a place where people actually care about each
other, not to mention care about what they're doing? Fucking
Katimavik has sucked the life out of me, and dammit I'm pissed off as
all hell. My good friend Andrea gave me some incredibly
off-the-cuff advice one night though. She said "either shut up
about your job or quit". What a smart cookie. She also said
"don't get mad, get even". In truth she just got tired of hearing
me bitch, whine and complaine about my job, but it turns out that she
actually has a point! I know I'm damn good at my job (and also
that arrogance is my greatest fault), and there's no reason that I
should suffer through my job. Sufferance is a matter of personal
opinion. I don't like the way things are being down around here,
so instead of getting all pissed off about it, I'm going to try to
change things. And quite frankly, I don't care how much hot water
this gets me into. I really miss life though. I miss
my friends, I miss going out - I don't like that I actually feel
weirded out when I'm at a crowded bar. There's just something
really wrong with that. I've seen more movies than actual people
in the past few months, and well - that's just pathetic. Anyway,
that's my job rant. I'm not going to complain anymore. Find
the zen Iris... Find the zen...
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| The end of another day. What have I learned? That Canadians
are not safe in Afghanistan, that 'cold' is a relative term, that
casual sex hurts, the difference between the spanish 'por' and
'para'.
Stop, Hesitate, and Listen.
Vanilla Ice had
something there when he said those very wise words. What are the
uses of life's little lessons if we don't stop and examine
and learn from them! What would be the purpose of life!
I've always known that I was a sensitive child. What I especially
do remember though, is this portfolio that I had. It was a
Strawberry Shortcake Portfolio, and on the front of it, some of the
first words I ever learned to read were 'Don't Forget About The Little
People'. And I don't think I ever have. Granted, it's
turned me into the perpetual underdog, always fighting with no end in
sight (or else that's the end of your privileged underdog position),
but it has ALWAYS reminded me that somewhere, someone is struggling for
their piece of the pie, and that that process is not always fair.
So here: take this as an addition to today's lesson: Stop, Hesitate,
and Listen: Don't Forget About The Little People. | | |
| As I placed my 'meen-lap' back into another closet for another year, I
thought about how I was placing my 'chineseness'
back into the closet along with the traditional piece of
clothing. I am a
"chinese-canadian", born in Canada of Chinese parents, who came to this
country, true north strong and free, in the 70s and never looked
back. I, like so many others, find myself straddled between two
cultures, but lately have found myself living two different identities
rather than a mix of the two. One calls for 'the good daughter'
who stays home in the evening, is respectful to her parents and brings
honour to her family. The other calls for the independant
feminist, not held back by the shackles of her misogynist heritage, and
juggling all the elements of 'the modern woman' at once. These
two identities seem to mix like oil and water as of late, and I can't
figure out who I'm supposed to be nor what I already am.
Last night my mother told me that I was "thinking White". This
arose out of a conversation in which I had unwittingly invited 4 of my
friends to "crash" at our house in Toronto during a Conference that we
were all attending. My parents would be out of town, and quite
naturally, I thought nothing of it. So many times before I had
been the guests at the houses of other people's parents and were
welcomed with open arms. I realized that this was the infamous
cultural gap between us. But I simply don't understand. Why
do I have to relate to some people different than others when I am
equally close to them. Why can't I just BE one person? In
Chinese, we are called 'jook-sing'. The middle of the bamboo,
neither the end nor the beginning - something inbetween - neither here
nor there. A lost generation perhaps? This is not how it's
supposed to be. But what could they have possibly expected,
bringing us here - to be raised like them, but not to be like
them? I am tired of being two people, of switching back and forth
between two identities. There must be some way to be true to both...
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| I'm baaa-aack!! Ok - this is it. No more internal
monologing and complaining. I am going to rant to the world about
how much everything sucks, yet how the most incredible wonders of the
world are found in the smallest insignificant moments and chance
encounters. Like today. I took the train and was lucky
enough to sit down next to a wonderful old man. In all honestly,
senior citizens used to freak the hell out of me - not because they
were old, but because I could never quite understand what they were
saying, and figured they all thought I was rude or stupid when I would
continually ask them to repeat themselves. Luckily, Bill, despite
having had several small strokes, was lucid, articulate, and eloquent
in all the advice he shared with me today. In just the short span
of 2 hours, I learned about his childhood, his siblings, his family,
his son, his travels through Eastern Canada, and also his plans for the
future. I told him about my studies, my career goals, and shared
stories from my own travels. It was beautiful. I don't
believe in that insitutionalized-christian god, but I do believe in a
greater force that controls destiny. Just so long as we do our
share of the work and stay interested, hints are dropped along the
way. It's like that show - Joan of Arcadia - but without the
biblical references. Bill wished me good luck and hoped that I
woudln't soon forget my dream of working internationally. It's
the faith that strangers can have that are sometimes stronger than
anything else. How did he know that that was what I needed to
hear? When there are so many voices screaming in our heads,
pulling us in every different direction, sometimes what we need to hear
is that one voice - seperate and different from all the rest.
Sometimes a mother, brother, lover, sometimes a stranger on the
train. The lesson is this: what we need is always right in
front of us - we just have to look for it and realize that gifts don't
always come wrapped. Thanks Bill.
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